Meet Liz Leuthner, contributor in the May/June 2013 issue, “Addiction.” Here she explains the reason she wrote her article, “Evading God,” which appears on page 12. To get a copy of this issue or to order a subscription to Alive Now, call 1.800.972.0433 or order online.
I wrote “Evading God” for those of you who are like me: unable to stop drinking or using or whatever “it” is—even when you want to. I wrote about evading God, but I was deceiving everyone. I built up and hid behind walls of deceit until the only person left to lie to was me and I couldn’t even fool myself anymore. I couldn’t stop lying even when I wanted to.
I tried to write about the atom-small instant when hopelessness and hopefulness converge. I want to call that micro-moment “grace,” but I am afraid to cheapen the experience with a label or exalt it with a precious-sounding word.
I went from wanting to die and not being able to, to wanting to live and not knowing how to.
And then, through their own experiences, other people—recovered addicts and alcoholics—showed me how to live. First they helped me see that, like them, I had a mind that didn’t work right and a body that wouldn’t die, and that I was spiritually sick. Then they showed me that there is a solution. They didn’t tell me what to do; they showed me what they did to recover. In doing that, they gently helped me find my way to God.
Liz Leuthner works at Hope.Gate.Way., a United Methodiat community of faith in Portland, Maine. She teaches yoga and holds the philosophy that anything is possible when there is an honest willingness to let go of old ideas and try something new.
